I’ve started fapping at 8, I’m 28 now. You heard that right, 39 days is the longest period without PMO for me, in 2 years!
How I feel
I’m very grateful to reddit for many things, nofap is one of them but it’s not the only thing that helps me rebuild myself.
Confidence – I can hold a conversation if I feel like it, never run out of words, if I don’t feel like it the silence doesn’t bother me and I no longer care what the other person might think. I no longer live inside my head analyzing what will happen, how will the other person react.
Look, an example.. I’m hitting gym for 3 years now, all of the time when doing a set I’d be afraid to leave the place cause other dude might take it and I’d have to get into convo with him that I’m doing something here. Stupid, but I no longer care about details like this. If something needs saying I say it, I don’t plan ahead to avoid having to say it.
Eye contact – I can hold eye contact with girls however long I want to, this started at around day 25-30 and when I started dressing well. Nofap alone will not and did not fully cure my social anxiety, but it’s down 85% at least! So what contributed to this? Nofap mostly, yes. Hitting gym with renewed energy. Buying clothes and shoes I always wanted but never made an effort to get. Always being mindful if I’m walking straight.
I usually don’t care holding eye contact with guys because here it means aggressiveness and why would I want that, but it’s also improved and reactions I get are different. You see, I started to see the world as friendly by default, not the other way around and people pick that up.
I read up on stoicism (yes, there’s a subreddit for that) and it has helped me tremendously. Every morning I get up and tell myself the negative versions of the things I’m anticipating today – when positive happens I’m happy, when negative happens I’m not moved since I expected it. If this doesn’t sound a healthy way to live I can understand you but please try this before you dismiss, it leads to a happier life. I’ll give an example on this in girls section.
On day 7 I met a very beautiful girl at a bar (a shitty place to meet, yes) and we had great chemistry. On day 7 nofap your testosterone spikes and boy did the girls pick up on that. I was mesmerising that evening! No kidding every girl I’ve talked to responded positively, I think I got 5 numbers that night out of 7 approaches and this nice chemistry at the end.
I asked the girl out the next week and she said yes, then flaked giving me the “I’m busy” response. You know what the old, needy me would’ve done? He would’ve cried like a little boy and said something awful to this girl, I didn’t. “Well alright, you have my number, hit me up if you think of something” and that’s it. Why burn bridges.
About 3 weeks pass and I text her some funny non needy stuff, she responds positively and now invites me for a coffee. Success right? Fk yeah! This was about to go down tonight. 3 hours prior the date I get an sms “heya, sorry but I can’t today”. Do I care? Yes, but not that much, she doesn’t put me off the “I love the world/inner happiness” state, instead I say “No prob, thanks for letting me know in advance, if you’re free later maybe we can agree on something”. You see, without nofap, stoicism, eating well, gym, cold showers I’d be a needy boy, but now I’m not. It’s just girls, it’s in their nature. Maybe she tests me, maybe she genuinely has no time. Who am I to her, she didn’t reject me, she rejected the version of me she saw for 2 hours a month ago in a bar at 2 AM. I’m still awesome even after that!
I went to the gym and had a smashing leg day, to top it off my gym threw a Christmas party for clients – drinks and snacks, lots of people socializing – I had a blast. Since when gyms do stuff like that?! I loved it!
Other girls – I could have sex with at least 4 other girls right now. Thing is, I don’t want to. I don’t want someone I feel no chemistry to and most importantly I don’t want to waste this awesome feeling I developed having preserved my seed for so long. Yes, I do believe I’ll lose some of this edge after normal sex so I’m not doing it on a girl I don’t care about. Also last 33 day streak was broken next day after great sex due to me “not getting enough of it” and trying to live in the memory for too long. Fk this.
Girls ARE giving me different looks or I’m picking this up better, but I think both! You see, once you walk straight, once you dress well, once you radiate confidence and value you attract females. And since due to nofap I can hold eye contact I pick up on all the indicators of interest. I’m much more observant of the body language and less in my head about what the other person might think – this is a better approach I’m sure.
Since this is getting too long I’ll just list the things I recommend to better yourself, not just nofap.
- gym – essential. I don’t care if you can’t do one pushup and can’t bench 10Kg – go there and start. No one will laugh at you. Look for motivation online, watch elliot, twinmuscleworkout on youtube. Hell even search for some Zyzz videos because that guy had a personality and looks, whatever motivates you.
- cold showers – essential. Don’t give me the “but /u/coinfucius I don’t tolerate cold well“ – BS! We all have +-1C the same body temperature and it effects us all the same. Watch the TEDx talk on cold showers and start doing it.
- eat well – go to /r/paleo is my recommendation. Prepare food yourself, buy unprocessed foods only – meat and veggies, very simple shopping.
- dress well. Since it depends on your style and personality I won’t give any specific advice, just learn to color match and social rules, like what socks to wear, that the belts have size and you look funny with a too big belt (yes, it was news to me before 3 weeks)
- walk straight, always be mindful if you’re straight or not.
- smile, but only when the situation warrants it, I don’t recommend smiling like an idiot 100% of the time, you look weird and try hard.
- read. Either paper books or get an iPad and always read something.
- employ the “if I have a problem I need to fix it ASAP“ attitude. Really, if something is wrong with you perform the steps to make it right. You’re overweight? Train and eat well. You have acne? Go to a doctor etc.
To succeed in nofap employ no touching unless peeing or washing policy and keep at it. No porn, no peeking, no edging – it won’t end well believe me. Fight the battle one day at a time, don’t think “aw man I need to get to 90 days”, instead think “I need to get till the end of today without fapping“. I also recommend imagining yourself from the side when you fap. Don’t you look ridiculous? All crawled up in your chair stroking the snake looking at pixels. Now imagine your mom, your wife, your gf looking at this image. Would you want this?
I sometimes browse old threads, like 2 month or older and I see guys with badges of less than a week. These are hopeful posts with right attitude but they still fail and keep trying and trying. Don’t be that guy.
I’m sorry if this post comes of as preachy or cocky, I’m not saying that I’m better than anyone else, I’m saying that I’m better than I was 39 days ago, I’m better than I was 30 days ago. It’s just my writing style and english is not my first.
I still struggle with some social anxiety, I can’t really pick up girls at day even though I can smile and maintain eye contact, I still procrastinate too much.
See you at ninety days brothers.
Forget About NoFap Or You Will Continue To Fap