Background: basically the usual story, long history with social anxiety and mild to moderate depression, 23 yo virgin. Fapped 3-4 times a day since about 11yo but never to porn, just fantasies. Found about NoFap end of last summer and had a 35 and 10 days streaks before this one. This one was triggered after things with a girl I was I was very close with over the last couple of months came to a very ugly end which led to me not being able to pass the probation period of my new job. After these two events happening in a short period of time I was in shock for a while and decided to get my shit together.
About the streak: first week was a total nightmare, then things got easier. No edging whatsoever, but I had 2 wet dreams. I had 2 flatlines, currently entering a 3rd one which comes with extreme mood swings however I am prepared for it now as I know what to expect. I still get urges but unlike earlier I don’t even consider the possibility of fapping, I just wait patiently for them to pass.
Benefits: found a new job which I’ve been doing for 2 months now and it’s going great, started a new sport alongside going to gym, started reading everyday, listening to audiobooks, limited facebook to the minimum (thank you, Kill News Feed), cold showers since day ~80, meditation since day 90, being more social with friends and colleagues, work on side projects, made travelling arrangements with friends for the spring and summer ….
HOWEVER all this hasn’t helped a bit with my issues when it comes to girls. Which is why I added ‘Honest’ to the title. I am no longer awkward when socializing but when it comes to taking things to a more personal level all my demons and insecurities surface. And it’s not my looks because even though I’m no Brad Pitt, I’m still good looking. I have a Tinder account which I’ve barely used for what is supposed to, but by the number of matches I get and girls looks on the street and all I know I look good and dress well. It’s all in my head. Which is why I started meditation and it’s extremely hard. Probably as hard as my first week of NoFap cause I need to face all these negative thoughts but that’s the only way forward.
My plan for the future is keep up with the grind and hope for the best. If NoFap + meditation + all these productive habits don’t help me I would consider meeting with a specialist or something, but one thing is for sure … I am never going back to where I was before I started.