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40 Days And 40 Nights

Seems like as good a time as any for an update. It hasn’t been easy lately, but it is without a doubt worth it.

Week 1 felt empty. Fapping had become this almost instinctual response. Everyone out of the house? Pants off, computer on. That kind of thing. Breaking that cycle in the first few days was the most important thing to me. I would always force myself to read a few NoFap posts before doing anything, and that always steered my hand away from my pants. Still, it suddenly became harder to fill the hours in a day. There’s just so much time I never realized I had before!

Week 2 the flatline started. I had no sexual urges at all – it just wasn’t interesting anymore. The only way I knew I was still functional was that I started getting solid morningwood. This was the easiest time to resist (since the urges weren’t there in the first place) and the time I started some new habits to use those empty hours. Exercise, meditation, music practice, and blogging to name a few. It still seemed like I had so much time.

Week 3 the flatline continued. I started to get a little worried, started to get those thoughts of “better test to see if I’m still capable…”. Meditation helped me see that those were just a recovering addict’s rationalizations and starting cold showers helped drive my focus elsewhere. I always used to fap when I was bored, but now that I haven’t been fapping for a while, I find that I’m less bored. Little things are becoming far more interesting, chores that I would’ve put off doing I now do almost unconsciously.

Week 4 the urges started picking up again. Now I’m living with my parents until the end of the month, so there was no real way to act on them without risking relapse. Cold showers became my best friend, sometimes multiple ones per day. I absolutely refused to edge – why taunt myself with what I can’t have? I still hadn’t had a wet dream, and all that energy just kept building and building. I worked out harder and read more, trying to exhaust both mind and body, but they always had more energy in reserve. It was both awesome and terrifying.

Week 5 was harder still, but the nofap habit was fully ingrained by that point. My family took a vacation to the beach, and the sight of so many hot gals and guys nearly-naked threatened to set me off. Beware any time your routine is broken, be it by change of location or hours awake or anything. The addict part of your brain will take that change as a chink in the armor and worm its way back into consideration. Constant vigilance.

Benefits? There are so many. For starters, I feel like the Energizer Bunny. I can just keep going and going and going and barely get tired. I feel so much more in control of myself than before, and that extra agency is letting me do things I’ve always wanted to, but never been able to do consistently (namely exercise, music practice, and meditation). I’m noticing the little beautiful things about the world so much more. Generally I’ve just been happier – before I would often just wait and waste the time between fapping sessions, but now I’m using it to work towards my goals. Nothing beats that sense of accomplishment.

So why do I post now? Basically, to keep myself from relapsing. I just had my first wet dream of nofap (of Biblical proportions), and I’m wary of the chaser effect. I’m about to go for a run, take a cold shower, and meditate as well. This is uncharted territory, seeing as I haven’t had a wet dream since I was 16 (21 now), so it demands a more focused resistance effort. Stay strong, my fellow fapstronauts, and I’ll endeavor to do the same.

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