Now then, you might look at the 1355 day streak I have going and feel like I should be helping out more. Passing along the secrets and such. The truth is, I have no complicated advice to give. I have no list of guidelines to bestow upon you. My best advice is this: stop jerking off.
That’s it. That’s what I did. I got into a very “healthy” masturbation routine at about the age of twelve and I kept at it almost daily until I was twenty-six. Along the way there were a few times when I “tried” to give it up, but it seemed like inevitable relapse ended each attempt. Why? Because I mistook the feeling of an urge to be the signal of a predetermined session of masturbation. The urge is nothing more than an urge. If you don’t believe you have the power to stop yourself from unzipping your pants and letting them fall down to the floor, grabbing your dick and going to town on yourself, you’re deluded. Just. Fucking. Stop. The urge goes. Sit and watch it. It passes like bad weather.
This is a one time decision you have to make. That’s it. There is no trial. You’re in it for the long haul. Whatever feelings come your way, you’re going get through them and you’re going to be stronger for it. You might feel awful, but you’re going to keep on. You’re not going to hide from the world when you feel bad. You’re going to create in your mind’s eye the type of life you want to see yourself living and you’re going to start implementing that life right now. Not when you feel better, not when you’ve mastered yourself, not when you’ve gotten through the storm, but right now. That’s all you have: now.
You feel like having a nice fap because it’s been a few days? A week? A year? Your girlfriend didn’t feel like having sex? You have no girlfriend and no prospects? Go do something productive. Let the urge to cave be a reminder that it’s time to get to work. Every time you feel like masturbating, do something else. Don’t let yourself jerk off. That’s it. I can’t say it enough. Simply do not allow yourself to perform that action. Make it impossible. If you have to throw yourself onto the floor and crawl out your front door onto your lawn just to get yourself out in public where you know you’re going to be too embarrassed to pull out your cock, do it. Lie in the grass and look at the sky until you can pull yourself up and then start running. Do pushups until exhaustion. Write about how you feel. Sing. Dance. Listen to some music and take a walk. Whatever you have to do. Just decide once and for all that you’re never going back. You can do it. I don’t care how addicted you think you are. Stop. Now.
Eventually you’ll find yourself not needing this sub and you’ll have run out of things to say on the matter. There’s no luck involved in this. It’s as simple as not doing it. You will succeed when you decide once and for all that you’re fine with never masturbating again.
ANS: I had many reasons for quitting. Probably the same reasons most people decide to at least begin the internal dialog concerning giving it up. The most prominent to me was the waste of time. It wasn’t really something I enjoyed doing. I think when we first start, it’s natural. We stumble upon a brand new facet of life and we’re curious, but we get caught up in it. We spend hours in front of a computer screen, searching for the right video, wiring ourselves to see people as sexual objects first and foremost. And though my wife never had a huge problem with it, I didn’t feel like it was a very honorable thing for a person in a committed relationship to be doing. The belief has only become more profound since stopping, that the sexual part of ourselves is a very special gift we can give one person, if we’re interested in that type of relationship. Maybe that’s not your thing. Maybe you’re into casual sex. Whatever works. Bottom line, if you expend all of your sexual energy on yourself by way of imaginary encounters, you rob yourself of the richness that is sex in real life.
As far as relapsing, when I made the call that was it. The times I had “tried” quitting before weren’t connected to the event where I actually quit. Not in any meaningful way. What I mean is that before making the decision to stop for good, I hadn’t gone through a series of failed attempts that bothered me. The last time I had even thought about giving it up before I actually did was probably at least three or four years prior, and I’d call that a very half-assed approach. The dabbling I did before was more like the Seinfeld episode, where I just wanted to see how long I could go without. Once the urge came on too strong, I wasn’t all that worried. My thinking was probably more like, “Well, this is going to be a nice welcome home.”
So, to answer your question, it was definitely a case of just quitting one day. Cold turkey. I think that’s the best way. You leave yourself no room to fail. You take that “freedom” away from yourself and replace it with the freedom to live your life as you actually want to. It’s not always easy, but you teach yourself a wonderful lesson, and that is that it’s on you to make your life happen. Things don’t always go your way, but you can absolutely exert your effort in a way that lines up with your personal philosophy. That way, when the world does turn in your favor, you’re ready to act. You’re primed and prepared.