There is a quote “Every time you fail, you get that much closer“, which portrays NoFap failure in a positive light. To provide an alternate view, here is my response “Every time you fail, you diminish yourself further”.
I succeeded at NoFap when I stopped being easy on myself. When I took failure completely off the table as an acceptable option, when I held myself to the standards of an effective man whose words carry credibility and weight – that I broke through low counter numbers and began to progress.
In my eyes, failure would mean breaking a promise to myself, and cheapening the value of my word from solid gold to dog shit. Failure would be an appalling act of disrespect towards someone – myself – that I have come to respect. Unthinkable. No fleeting animal urge is worth that. That is why I have begun to succeed.
To fail at a no-PMO commitment is to fail at something 100% in my control. Failure by my own free will. Such failure doesn’t really strike me as the quality of a fully actualized man. More like a boy who can’t achieve basic goals, or match words with actions. This is perfectly fine, of course – if the boy is content to remain that way.
‘Progress through failure’ is an excellent model for some pursuits (such as practicing basketball free throws). ‘Progress through failure’ is an atrociously bad model for an alcoholic giving up beer, or a smoker giving up cigarettes. Unsurprisingly, it is also a terrible model for NoFap.
This is not just about NoFap, though. This is about the value that your own word carries; something far deeper and wider-reaching. This is the foundational layer upon which NoFap sits, along with every other worthwhile endeavour that a man or woman may pursue.
Your word is your foundation. Like a currency or a stock, it may be solid and worthy of investment, or utterly worthless. Progress is possible in both directions. Your choices determine whether your word will climb in value, or follow the path of the now-extinct Zimbabwean dollar. If your word was a currency, would people trade on it or laugh at it?
If you want to change everything, then begin here.
An important clarification:
I am not suggesting that people who have just come off a NoFap failure should beat themselves into the ground. I’ve been there. It’s not fun, and it’s not productive. If you are in that boat, here is what I suggest:
Make a small commitment to yourself. A commitment that you are sure you can meet. It could be 3,7,10 days of NoFap, or as little as 1 day.
Every commitment that you meet increases the value of your word. Therefore, a small and realistic commitment allows you to begin increasing that value at once. If your word is at a ‘junk’ rating right now, there is no need to feel excess shame, as it is fully within your power to turn that rating around.
Continue making small commitments until you build confidence that you can reliably meet them. Build a habit of treating your own word with the respect it deserves. When you are ready, you can progress to more substantial commitments.
Every day is a reward, not a challenge.
“All I have is my balls & my word, And I don’t break them for no-one!” :Unknown